Surrender that Only He is Enough

A high school friend of mine recently was interviewing me for a college project, in which I was to explain why or why not I disagreed with a religious theory, or how I would answer an essentially unanswerable question. It really pushed me to not only defend my God for who He says He is, but also to figure out where I stood on things I really hadn’t figured out before if I’m being honest. For example, one question/theory involved me explaining where I believed pain and suffering comes from. My answer was that it comes from the devil/demons, OR from your own consequences that you bring on by sinning. I also stated that I believe that God is of course in full control, but is the highest good. Therefore, He cannot create evil, pain or suffering, but He can allow it to happen. The devil is beneath God. The devil cannot do anything without God’s permission. I was asked why I believed He allowed it to happen, and I answered that any growth or good thing I’ve ever had was born out of hardship and trial. He allows suffering to happen, because it produces maturity, growth and blessing. “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4. I also think that pain can bring you closer to Him, and remind you of your dependency on Him. I am guilty of and experiencing that myself right now. When things are going great, I admit that I am not as hurried to be in the Word or to pray. When life is falling apart, I’m pretty quick to pray, be in the Word and cling to Him, because I have to. It’s a flaw that I am working on, but I know that His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and that He has allowed me to be in trials in order to draw me closer and remind me of who He is and who I am. Back to the interview- I was then asked one of those “unanswerable” questions that I had thought of before, never figured out and honestly just ignored.

“If you say that God allows evil/pain/suffering to occur for His purpose, how could He allow something like the Holocaust to happen? What good came out of that?”

Oh, man. I really was forced to stop and finally figure out an answer for this question. It took some babbling and crazy talk, but what I finally came to was this: simple, yet complicated: I don’t know, and I don’t understand. But, I do know who my God is- good, and that His thoughts and ways are so above me that I couldn’t comprehend them even if I tried. Though I don’t understand why He would allow things that seemingly have no good come out of them, My God is always good and just. He is good and just throughout the Bible, and is good and just throughout my life. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I trust and have faith that even if I couldn’t possibly understand, I know He does all things intentionally according to His plan and just purpose. This is not different just because I can’t understand it. That is the definition of faith, isn’t it? Trusting that He is good when you do not understand?

That is the answer I have come to- and it is ultimately just a surrender that I should’ve come to sooner, knowing who God is and that my life is His. As Christians, we are expected to know and explain everything sometimes by those who aren’t believers (or even those who are!). On the contrary, being Christian means that you DON’T understand everything- but you know that He DOES, so you surrender your lack of understanding and control to Him. You give up yourself, submitting to His control and understanding. This requires faith. Even if you don’t understand or have control over something horrific like the Holocaust, creation of lucifer, or even day to day sufferings- you trust His understanding and control of the situation and follow Him regardless. Understanding and control are hard things to give up! When you can’t control how you do something, react to something, or how something turns out, that can be terrifying. When you have to do something without understanding how to do it, why you’re doing it or what effects doing it may have, that can be terrifying. It’s all a part of being a follower of Christ. When you give your life to Him you make a decision to give up control and understanding, because you have decided that His understanding and control are better than yours, and you would rather your life in His hands than your own.

I think a lot of us (me included) have become Christians and “given our life to Him” without actually giving those things to Him. Or maybe, we have surrendered the small stuff that we can understand or the small stuff we feel like we can still control- but haven’t actually surrendered the big stuff we don’t understand or can’t control to Him.

Why is it that the bigger the thing is we have to surrender, the more we don’t want to surrender it to Him? Is He only capable of handling the little things? Are the big things too much for Him to handle? Is He going to take the big things after you surrender them, and then accidentally mess them up for you? No. Then why are we afraid of surrendering the big things? Why do we let the size of our problem limit the size of our God?

The truth is that the bigger it is, the more afraid we are to let go of it. It should be the opposite! The bigger a problem is, the more we should be shoving it up to God, like, “I’m surrendering this for SURE! I want the little things in Your hands, but I ESPECIALLY want this big thing in Your hands, because only YOU can take care of it!”

If I’m being honest, I wasn’t surrendering up one of those big things up to God lately. One of the worst things to not surrender up: fighting and defeating sin. The enemy kept telling me that I needed to defeat sin by myself, on my own, or else I didn’t really defeat it. I should’ve known better, but I didn’t, and now you all can learn from it. Praise God.

Me trying to face and fight sin on my own ultimately led me to falling into it more, because I am not designed to face and conquer sin on my own. I am designed to be led by my creator in all things, and the battle against sin is certainly one of them. I went against my design, which is what caused me to fail. The enemy would tell me that it was my sin, and my responsibility to take care of and win over once and for all. That if God did it for me, then I really didn’t defeat the sin. The devil telling me this not only led me to fail fighting falling into sin, but also to drifting from God entirely. He knew what he was doing. I felt like I had to fix the sin before I could go back to God, which left me in a vicious cycle. I eventually realized that I am not designed to carry the weight of conquering sin on my own. It is a team effort. I had the greatest of all time player on my team and at the big game I decided to bench Him. Doesn’t that sound insane?? This is what we look like when it gets to be a big issue in our lives that we THEN decide to not surrender it to God. Why would we bench our MVP at the harder bigger games, just because we felt like if He was the only reason we win our games, that we weren’t REALLY winning them. Guess what? God IS the only reason I win my games. I COULDN’T win the game without Him. I am nothing without Him! And I don’t care! With Him on my team, we will win every single game. Don’t let the devil convince you other wise. Surrender that you can’t do it without Him. Or on the other hand, the devil could make you feel anxious about the bigger harder games, causing you to bench your MVP because you are scared to surrender the control of that big hard game to your MVP. Doesn’t that also sound crazy? Don’t let the devil trick you- your MVP, God, is the ONLY person you want playing in that big game (the big issues in your life).

I also know that the world’s new big push is to make everyone believe that: YOU are worthy. YOU are enough. Follow YOUR heart. You should do what makes YOU happy and filled. This new message is so full of “YOU” that it is Godless. It is teaching that we alone are good, worthy, enough. Goodness, worthiness and being enough isn’t somewhere within the depths of our human souls if you search hard enough to find yourself. Goodness, worthiness and being enough is blatant at the surface of the Holy Spirit and Jesus blood. The truth that no one wants to hear is that: You AREN’T worthy- but God is, and He covered your sins with Jesus’ blood, and by becoming His child, you are made worthy only by His loving sacrifice. You AREN’T enough- but Jesus is, and He died for you, which was enough to cover you and your sins. You SHOULDN’T follow your own heart- we should only be after God’s heart. You SHOULDN’T do whatever makes you happy and filled- because human nature is to make ourselves happy and filled with worldly things and sin. This never fills anyone up or makes anyone happy, leaving us in a structure that is like pouring water into a bowl with a hole at its bottom. Worldly things give you a temporary “fill” and false happiness, but it will leak out though that hole every single time. You will find yourself empty again. You will feel you have to keep pouring worldly things in constantly so that you feel that false and temporary “full”. Having a relationship with God is pouring concrete into that bowl, filling the hole, hardening into a permanent fullness that you will never have to refill again while in relationship with Him. His relationship entails His Spirit, His word and His presence in you, a temple of His. These things will never leave you hungry. These “you are worthy/enough” statements are creating mindsets in people that lead to the leaky bowl situation. These statements are also what satan used to tell me that I was the only one who could defeat my sin if I wanted to truly conquer it. He made me feel like I could be enough to defeat my sin, and I wasn’t. It lead me into sin more, which was the devil’s ultimate plan with these “you” statements. Only He is enough. Only He is worthy. The only reason we are worthy and enough are because His worthiness clothes us and becomes us as His son or daughter.

Our faith is often described as “trusting” God, but it is also largely surrendering and submitting to God. We as His followers need to surrender all control and understanding to Him in order to actually follow Him where He calls us. Giving our life to Him means giving all of it. The only worthiness we can walk in is His worthiness, not our own.

“That you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” Colossians 1:10 NKJV

Encounter with a Demon

Before I start, I realize that this post is long, but I don’t want that to deter anyone from reading it, so I am going to star (like this: ***) the important passages, so if you don’t want to read as much, you can still learn the summary of my story by reading only the starred passages and God be glorified by it.

***This post is a lot heavier than my other ones. I encountered, audibly heard and cast out a demon. I’ve encountered and cast out demons before, but never as strong and real as this one. Here’s some information before I start.

I’ve noticed recently that we confuse the term “to believe in” with “to put faith in” or “to be passionate about”. So, it seems good to say “I believe in…(fill in good things)” which could be God, a cause you support, angels, the Holy Spirit. But, it sounds bad to say “I believe in…(fill in bad things)” which could be satan, diseases, evil spirits or demons. The truth of the matter is this: “believing” in something simply means you know it exists or is real. So if you were to be asked, “Do you believe in satan?” , your first instinct is going to be to say no. When really, in order to believe in Jesus Christ, you have to believe in satan. You have to believe he is real, and that he sends demons which are just as real to do his dirty work against the work of God. The biggest lie satan tells the world is that he isn’t real. You would think he would be self centered and full himself too much to do that, right? He is much more twisted and manipulative than that. If he can tell you he isn’t real, that spirits aren’t real or that demons aren’t real, he can deceive you and attack you without you having a clue where it’s coming from or that he even exists. You can’t fight back or defeat something you don’t believe is real. Twisted stuff, huh?

With that said, it is so clear that the devil is attacking multitudes, so many of them Christians, by using this tactful deception. You may believe the devil is real, but do you truly believe that spiritual warfare is real and affects you constantly? The Church doesn’t talk about the not so pretty stuff. It doesn’t tell you about demons, how they can and will and do attack you, how to engage in spiritual warfare and find victory through Jesus Christ alone. So many Christians don’t believe in the spiritual encounters other Christians experience and share. I’ll ask you this. Do you believe in the bible and that it is the truth and the truth alone? If yes, you must believe it when it talks about Jesus casting out demons from man, describing how to test a spirit when you encounter one, Jesus Himself casting out demons and engaging in spiritual warfare with the devil or how to avoid an evil spirit returning after you rebuke and cast it out? The bible is FULL of spiritual warfare and yet it is not mentioned in the church simply because it’s uncomfortable, taboo, or too much for the body of Christ to handle. The church has done us an incredible disservice in this regard. Christians are being constantly attacked by evil spirits and have no idea how to even recognize it or fight it. Why? The devil has deceived them to think that spirits or spiritual warfare aren’t real. And like I said before, you can’t defeat something you don’t believe is real.

Take a quick moment to pause. Look up and around wherever you are. Touch something that’s next you. I’m serious, touch something. That physical thing you’re touching? Everything that you can see? All of that is less real than spirits. Think about it like this. This is the way my dad has taught me. Everything you can see and touch right now will eventually wear down and become dust. Cars, buildings, furniture, your own skin- it will all be dirt one day. It will all eventually break and erode into nothing. Spirits do not fade. They can’t be killed. They can’t be eroded or worn into dust like physical things can. They are eternal. They are so much more real than your “reality” and instead they have been made either unreal or fake or taboo in the Christian community. 

Something my dad and I have noticed is that spiritual encounters are popping up lately just as strongly and frequently as they were written in the bible. We believe that the Holy Spirit has been moving more strongly now than it has in a long time, and that it is stirring up evil spirits that may have been dormant or comfortable. While spirits are becoming more active than my dad has ever seen in his lifetime, it is with urgency we must believe and become educated on spiritual warfare.

With that said, I’ll begin my story.

***Over a month ago, my best friend, Audrey, told me that her brother and sister-in-law had both moved to a new house together. After moving in, they both witnessed a water bottle, which was sitting on a table in between them, pick itself up and throw itself on the ground. They immediately went to Audrey’s dad and explained to him so they could all pray over the house together. Her dad then told them that he felt the Holy Spirit tell him to go pray over the shed in the back, which they immediately went out and did.

***A few days later, Audrey told me another story, her first ever physical spiritual attack. She was hanging out at her house with someone close to her, and as they stood up so she could walk them out, Audrey was hit with lightheadedness and nausea. After her guest left, she told me she walked into the bathroom and was alarmed at her reflection. She said she looked like a  black and white photograph in the mirror from how much color had left her skin. She sunk down and curled up in a corner of the bathroom. She said her symptoms were clammy hands, nausea, fever chills and a pain in her lower belly that she could physically feel move and roll around in her core. She said it was one of the worst feelings she’s ever felt in her life. She then told me that the word “miscarriage” was placed in her head firmly and she knew she was being given the feeling of a miscarriage by an evil spirit. She begged God to take away the pain, and He did shortly after. She said after she went out and checked her phone, it had only attacked her for ten minutes, but that it felt like hours. She later told her guest about the episode, and this person prayed and rebuked whatever caused it. This person then got a bloody nose for three days straight after doing this.

***The next time I saw my dad, I told him the water bottle story, and asked him to pray for Audrey’s family and their safety. I didn’t have enough time to tell him about Audrey’s miscarriage attack. The next morning, my dad texted me that he had a dream that night. In his dream, an evil spirit was attacking Audrey’s family, and it killed her mom, dad and more family members. God told him in the dream that the demon’s name was Spawna, and that it was a murderer of children. My dad told me to warn Audrey’s family and pray for them. I texted Audrey as soon as I read my dad’s text, and she connected some dots I didn’t put together. She noticed I didn’t even tell my dad about her “miscarriage” attack, yet he still discerned from the Holy Spirit that the demon was a murderer of children. Something both Audrey and I got through this whole story, you’ll notice, is confirmation constantly by the Holy Spirit. Audrey and I talked about it, and we thought that my dad’s dream was about whatever spirit was at her brother and sister-in-law’s had somehow attacked her, too. We prayed, praised, rebuked and went on with our lives.

***A couple weeks passed, and I went through a drastic and sudden life change. I moved out of my family home within one day due to sudden circumstances. I went to sleep the night before not having a clue that I would be moving out the next day. There was a lot of hurt and crying involved. I packed for 8 plus hours straight, and was so blessed that Audrey and her mom offered for me to move in with them that same night. They had a spare bedroom they let me immediately move into and use. I’m sincerely grateful for both of their generosity.

***This bedroom I moved into had a door that was right next to two other doors- a bathroom and Audrey’s mom’s room. Audrey’s room was across the house with its own bathroom inside of it. My first night in my room, I automatically didn’t like the feeling I got passing or entering the bathroom my door was next to. I was immediately aware there was an evil presence in the bathroom. The next day I pulled Audrey aside, and I asked her which bathroom she had her “miscarriage” attack in. Of course I’d assumed it was in her own bathroom, but after sensing something dark in the bathroom by my room, I thought it was worth an ask. She told me that her attack was actually in the bathroom next to my room, and not hers, which she mentioned was a little strange because it would’ve been easier and faster to go to her own bathroom. She asked me why I asked, and I told her that I got a bad feeling about that bathroom and I sensed an evil spirit.

***The next few days, my sense of the evil presence became stronger and stronger. I’ve encountered demons before, but not like this one. I began seeing a dark figure out of the corner of my eye in the mirror when I would pass it, a physical darkness in the room even when the windows should have been letting in bright light, and once when I walked by it I felt intense heat on only the side of my body that was next to the door. It felt like it tried to jump on me and attack me. After I felt the heat, I lifted my head high and kept walking past the door with confidence in Christ. It immediately shook off of me when I did this.

***Then, I told my dad about the bathroom situation. That’s when he mentioned that his dream could’ve possibly been about what was in the bathroom there and not at Audrey’s brother’s house. As soon as I read that message from him, I knew that was it. A demon named Spawna was in the bathroom, it was a murderer of children, and it attacked Audrey with a “miscarriage”. I told Audrey and we knew we had to cast it out. But, we were warned by the person Audrey had over the night she was attacked. Like I explained, this person said they tried to rebuke whatever hurt Audrey after she told them about it, and they got a bloody nose for 3 days straight. So, we knew that this demon was known to physically attack people and that authority needed to be had over it to cast it out, but we knew it was something we needed to do as soon as possible.

Audrey mentioned later that this person admitted to struggling with pride when it comes to their relationship with God and glory. We think this may be why their attempt to cast spawna out was unsuccessful and only led to it being able to hurt them.

***We set two days from then at 7:45pm as the day and time we were going to cast it out. We looked to the Bible for guidance on how to prepare to cast out a demon, and came to the conclusion that we needed to put on the full armor of God. In order to do this, we fasted for 24 hours, spent the day continuously in prayer as well as worshipped and stayed in the word as much as possible. Audrey worked this day, but I stayed home by myself. I decided to do nothing secular that day. I spent the entire day in prayer, worship, fasting, asking others for prayer, listening to a spiritual warfare training and reading scripture. Legitimately nothing else. Looking back after the whole situation was over, I have thought to myself, if this is how I lived in order to be ready to cast out a demon, why don’t I live more like that everyday? Since then, I have given up more of my secular music and hobbies that I felt especially didn’t bring me closer to the Lord or glorify Him. He asked me to give up specific spotify playlists later, and I recently learned that satan’s gift as an angel was music… you already know he’s using that to deceive and invite the presence of demons today. Today’s music is pretty disgusting! (WAP) As well, I have spent more time everyday in the word, worship and prayer.

***At one point during my worship, God pointed out something to me. The house was wonderfully COVERED in crosses. The walls, counters and end tables had crosses consuming them. Audrey’s mom is super amazing and collects them, and everywhere she lives is covered in them. Yet, God pointed out that the one room that she lived in and used that didn’t have a cross in it was the bathroom where Spawna stayed. God told me that a cross needed to be nailed, not just put up with a thumbtack, in that bathroom. Then, the song “Lead Me to the Cross” came on, and I took that as my cue to get up and walk around the house and let God tell me which cross to take down and bring into the bathroom that night. God pointed out the cross to me, which I initially took notice of when first moving in. I noticed later that the cross He picked had six smaller crosses on it, making it seven crosses total that would be nailed in that room, not just one. God uses many specific numbers in the bible that serve as symbolic, and seven is one of them. It serves as a number of completeness and being whole.

I also remembered a sermon on forgiveness that really struck a chord with me. My pastor preached a message essentially saying who are we to deny someone forgiveness, after everything we’ve done to the Lord, who has without a second thought forgiven us. He also went on to say that many people may not forgive, because they believe forgiving will excuse the behavior and invite it to happen again. He clarified that God wants us to forgive all, but He doesn’t wish on you to keep allowing that person to hurt you repeatedly. He used an example of an abusive husband and wife. God wants her to forgive the husband, but that does not mean He wants her to continue staying there while the husband abuses her. He wants her to find a safe place to stay and get help until the situation is addressed and fixed. As crazy as it sounds, I felt that Audrey needed to forgive spawna for hurting her before we casted it out. Not softly or fearfully, but bluntly and boldly before proceeding to sternly make it known that it is not welcome there and cast it out.

***Now comes hearing the demon for the first time. 

***I was still home alone, praising, when I heard 3 bangs from the bathroom. I immediately began praying for protection out loud in Jesus Christ’s name. In the middle of my sudden audible prayer, I heard laughter coming from the bathroom. It was an awful laugh. It was Spawna just amused that he startled me. Something I’ve learned is that both angels and demons sound distinct and that they do not sound like humans, like I used to think. I don’t know how to describe demon laughter. It is inhuman, high pitched and it sounds like some kind of creature or animal. The closest thing I can relate it to is a hyena, but it still doesn’t truly match it at all. I always thought demons would sound like deep or raspy evil voices, but the truth that I find amusing is that instead, they sound like high pitched weak animals. Something else I have learned is that sounds from the spiritual world take on that “small still voice” we hear about when listening for God’s voice. At least from everything I’ve heard, it has a distinct faintness to it. I don’t know how to describe it besides that. It’s not as loud as someone physical talking to you, but it’s not so quiet that it is unnoticeable. You have to be still and spiritually aware in order to hear it. Reverting back to the story, after I heard it laugh at me, I remained calm and continued to worship. I had to cling to my faith and confidence in my great God in order to remain calm and unshaken.

I had the thought that Audrey and I needed a prayer ARMY. I had the idea of creating a chain text that I could not only send out to people, but include instructions for those people to send it out to people they knew, and those people to do the same over and over again. I knew if I did it correctly I could potentially build a prayer army of at least 50 people, which I believe we may have surpassed. I composed a text that briefly explained the situation and then sternly prompted people to set an alarm for 7:45 that night to pray in the prayer army on our behalf. I gave examples of things they could pray for us, which were: that we would have whole authority over this demon through Jesus Christ alone, that God would send an entire angel army to fight with us, for protection, safety and for us to successfully cast out Spawna. After I sent this out, I was greeted with incredible feedback, support, written prayers and pledges to set an alarm and pray at 7:45 that night with us. As a bit more time elapsed, I began getting messages from people I didn’t even know, because the text got shared so abundantly. One in particular was the text that I sent to my dad, who sent it to his girlfriend, who sent it to her uncle, who passed back down a spiritual warfare training that he felt would be useful for me to prepare for casting out spawna. I listened to hours and hours of it before Audrey got home, and it truly prepared me and gave me notes on how to go about casting out a demon. This is the link:  I’m going to make another post about what I learned from this, so I can equip you all with the tools you need to become a spiritual warrior and war against evil, because whether or not you’re fighting it back, it’s always fighting you as a believer.

***When Audrey was on her way home, she called me and I told her everything I learned, but I didn’t mention hearing Spawna laugh at me, because there wasn’t enough time. She had some news I wasn’t expecting. She told me that on her lunch break, she called her aunt to tell her about everything and ask her to pray for her. Before, we didn’t know why or how spawna had the authority to be in their house. Audrey’s aunt told her that Audrey’s great grandfather was deep into witchcraft and satanic practices and apparently would put curses on his family line, inviting demons to attack them. This could be an explanation for why spawna had authority to be there, but I’m not certain. I shared the prayer army responses and that multiple people told me they prayed that we would have an entire angel army in the house fighting with us, and specifically lining the outside of the house to protect us. She shared that her aunt also felt she should pray the same thing. Confirmation by the Holy Spirit! I truly knew that the Holy Spirit was guiding people to pray for an angel army to be there, both inside fighting and outside lining the house. I believed that it was true that an angel army was going to be among us without a doubt, for so many had asked for it in prayer. I went into that bathroom knowing for a fact I was being ushered and accompanied by warrior angels. “Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.” – Mark 11:24 NKJV.

I was hurriedly catching up Audrey on everything I learned from the spiritual warfare training, about the cross we were to nail in the bathroom, about how I felt she should forgive it, and about all the verses I had prepared to read aloud to Spawna. Before we knew it, it was 7:47, and people were already texting me that they had informed their whole family on the situation, and that their whole family was gathered together praying. Many updated me throughout the whole hour of what they were praying for specifically, and it was encouraging to see how many people we had interceding for us as we took on spiritual war. I am eternally grateful for their help, because I’m sure we couldn’t have done it without the massive army of prayer warriors we had praying for us all at the same time. Because texts and prayers were already flooding in, and I was sure the angel army had already arrived, Audrey and I started at 7:47.

***The first thing we did was nail the cross in the bathroom. I wondered out loud, “Hm, where should we put it?” In unison, Audrey and I both said, “Above the towel rack.” Confirmation by the Holy Spirit! When Audrey nailed it up there, instead of hitting sheet rock, it hit right on a stud, and we knew it was meant to go there. We got a blanket and folded it on the floor, which we used to kneel on. I used my phone to read scripture and read notes I took on the spiritual warfare course. About this time, my dad sent me a text about a conversation he just had with the Lord. He said that he asked the Holy Spirit to cast Spawna millions of miles into outer space, but the Holy Spirit told him It couldn’t do that, but that it could cast it to the crust of the earth, the very bottom of the ocean. It also told my dad that Spawna would be dragged away by angels by the end of the hour, but to warn me that Spawna was not going to go silently. I wasn’t sure what this warning meant. I prepared myself for any fight it was going to put up before getting dragged out. In my mind, I accepted the fact that it could possibly move objects, throw open cabinets, physically hurt me or just in general cause a mess or ruckus. (Luckily, I think because it was preoccupied with fighting a whole angel army, it didn’t do any of these things. You will see later what the Holy Spirit meant by not going out silently). I read this text out loud to Audrey before moving forward.

Next, Audrey and I prayed on our knees together, asking for the angel army, asking for whole authority over Evil only by Christ and Christ alone, thanking the Lord for the opportunity, asking Him to have His hand over us so that it could not continue to physically hurt us, asking to successfully cast out Spawna and much more. First, I read prayers people had sent me over text out loud. I wanted it to know how many people were praying for us and that an angel army was on its way or already there and prepared for war. I began reading the scripture I picked out during the day. Here are a few verses I read aloud to remind spawna of its ultimate fate in the lake of fire and of God’s power:

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” – James 4:7 NKJV. I wanted to make it known that soon Spawna would be fleeing from God’s power.

“And I saw the beast, the kings of the earth, and their armies, gathered together to make war against Him who sat on the horse and against His army. Then the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who worked signs in his presence, by which he deceived those who received the mark of the beast and those who worshipped his image. These two were cast alive into the lake of fire burning with brimstone. And the rest were killed with the sword which proceeded from the mouth of Him who sat on the horse. And all the birds were filled with their flesh.” – Revelation 19:19-21 NKJV. The devil and his demons all know that the bible is the truth. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, they all know it better than any of us believers do. Why? Because in order to twist it and deceive us with the word itself, they must know it inside and out. Something that amuses me is that they all know the Bible is the truth and that the end is coming. They all know that when the Bible says they and their “kingdom” will be destroyed and end in horrible suffering, that it is true. It makes them shudder, because they know it to be true. The amusing part is that they still remain evil and fight for it, knowing they will end and suffer like no other suffering in the end! It just seems plain stupid to me to stay on the losing team when you already know the truth and the ending. I wanted to remind Spawna of its ultimate fate and make it tremble at what it knows is true.

“Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day… A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you… No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up… You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot…” -Psalms 91:1-16 NKJV. I only typed the important snippets of this passage, but it is so powerful and I proclaimed it to the enemy.

*** “ “Let us break Their bonds in pieces And cast away Their cords from us. ‘He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; The Lord shall hold them in derision.’” – Psalms 2:3-4 NKJV. This verse was personal to read out loud, because I specifically picked it to let Spawna know that although it laughed at me earlier that day, God is the one who laughs from His throne in heaven at those who think they can break the bonds between believers and God.

***After I read that last verse about the Lord laughing, Audrey said to me, “I’m actually really glad you read that one. God told me a couple minutes ago that Spawna is laughing at us, like he finds this amusing.” I then told Audrey how I heard Spawna audibly laughing at me earlier that day, which is why I picked the verse. More confirmation by the Holy Spirit!

***We then began worshipping and singing praises to the Lord, inviting the Holy Spirit down. Around this time, I got another text from my dad. The Holy Spirit gave him one of the names of the angels that was there with us: Autonomous. When I read this, I felt the Holy Spirit strongly and teared up. It felt so personal to know the name of one of the angel warriors there fighting for us. I said, “Thank you for being here,” out loud to acknowledge it. I don’t know about you, but Autonomous sounds like a strong and thundering warrior name to me, and it was comforting to know he was there fighting. Some time later, my dad got another angel warrior name that was there: Besiege. To be completely honest, these names sounded familiar, but I wasn’t sure if they were actually English words or just divine names. I looked up the definitions later, and this is what I found. Autonomous: acting in accordance with one’s moral duty rather than one’s desires. Besiege: surround (a place) with armed forces in order to capture it or force its surrender; lay siege to. Especially besiege made me smile, as I mentioned earlier that multiple people specifically prayed that angels would line the exterior of the home and guard it as we cast out Spawna.

One of the songs we purposefully sang was The Blessing by Elevation Worship, Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes. Because we knew Spawna was a murderer of children, we wanted to implement worship that blessed children and families and generations. In this song, it repeats this verse over and over: 

May His favor be upon you for a thousand generations

And your family

And your children

And their children

And their children

At one point during worship, Audrey got up and knelt down in one of the corners of the bathroom and started worshipping there. I didn’t know at the time, but later, she told me that it was the same corner she felt crippled in during her “miscarriage” attack. I feel this was necessary and part of the process.

During one of the last songs, Whole Heart by Hillsong United, this lyric struck my heart and prompted me to stand and tell Audrey I thought she should, too:

Lifted up

And my knees on the floor for Your glory*

That I might stand

With more reasons to sing than to fear

* (this line actually says “and my knees know it’s all for Your glory”, but since I’ve heard this song I thought it was the other way and that’s how I sang it that night)

***I’m not sure which song it was, either this song or the next, was when I heard the demon again.

Except this time

It was crying.

***I felt in my spirit that it was being dragged out by angels at that very moment. Its cries were high pitched and desperate. I can’t mimic demon crying or truly describe it. It sounded like a creature, the closest thing I can relate it to is a bird cry maybe. It had that same faint distinctness I described earlier. As well as hearing it crying, I heard the sound of angels footsteps marching away. This is what the Holy Spirit meant by not going silently. How powerful, I thought, that on the same day I heard a demon laugh at me, I heard it crying being dragged away by angels because of God’s power! Within the same day that a demon laughed and mocked my allegiance to Jesus, it cried and was dragged away because of my allegiance to Jesus. AMEN!!! Everytime I describe this thought in person it fills me with so much joy and energy. Sometimes I laugh or tear up. I feel so blessed to have been a witness to God’s power so up close, and I want to tell EVERYONE about it. I hate to say it, but as much as I believed in God before, I didn’t understand just how powerful He is. That may sound stupid, but thats a vulnerable testimony out of this experience I have, and I hope to glorify God and His power with it to as many people as I can. That is part of why I’m sharing this story.

***After this, I smiled and told Audrey, “I heard it crying being dragged away.” She looked at me and responded, “Was it high pitched?” I was taken aback as I then said, “Yes, did you hear it too?” She told me she did. We both audibly heard a demon cry as it was dragged away by angels. This doesn’t happen to everyone everyday, so we want to make our encounter and experience known to everyone. We want everyone to know that the Holy Spirit is just as alive and powerful as it was written in the Bible, but that disbelief in the Holy Spirit is hindering the wonders and miracles Audrey and I witnessed from being realized. Miracles of the Bible times are still happening today! BELIEVE! I looked at my phone, and it was 8:47. It took exactly an hour. Like the Holy Spirit told my dad, “by the end of the hour”!

After we heard this, Audrey, who was closest to the door, heard a ruckus throughout the rest of the house. She said it sounded like things were moving, the dogs’ collars were rustling like they were running around and the dog door was flapping rapidly open and shut. She told me she felt like Spawna was desperately trying to cling or attach itself to another room. So, we went into the living room and prayed that the casting out that happened was not only from the bathroom, but from the entire house, and miles radius around it. We both called our dads and updated them. My dad was in awe that we actually heard it crying, and went on about how he’s never experienced anything like that. He went on to say that he believes I have a tremendous calling on my life for me to be sensing demons and casting them out so early in my life, and that he believes that this isn’t the end of spiritual warfare for me. (I’m writing and editing this months later, and I can already tell you that he wasn’t wrong. I’ve encountered more.)

The next thing that happened was that Audrey felt God leading her to get all articles of entertainment that could’ve been used to open doors and welcome in demonic presences. She collected Harry Potter movies and things and threw them away in a dumpster far from the house. I’ve been called radical for not agreeing with Harry Potter and refusing to read or watch it, but it truly isn’t good deep down. My dad told Audrey over the phone that night that they use the real names of fallen angels in Harry Potter. Her jaw dropped, as she’s always had an innocent love for the movies and books, and never fully understood, as many do. Not good stuff.

I texted everyone in the prayer army and thanked them as well as updated them on a summary of everything that happened. Audrey and I had 3 separate people warn us about the verses in the bible where it describes how when a demon is casted out from a place, it will return periodically to check the state of the place. If the state doesn’t remain kept and full of the Holy Spirit, the evil spirit will bring 7 more of its friends and cling to the same place again. These 3 people encouraged us to fill that place with praise and joy! These mentioned verses are: Matthew 12:43-45 or Luke 11:24-26.

***This wasn’t the end. My mom warned me that when there’s a strong evil spirit somewhere, it is very likely that there are multiple other little ones there with it. The nights following us casting spawna out, I woke up throughout the night often. One night, I woke up twice to whispers. The first time, I heard an inhuman voice whisper, “It’s not gone.” The second time, it whispered, “Not gone yet.” Admittedly, I wanted to believe I heard an angel speak to me and warn me to get rid of all the other evil spirits. But, my dad warned me, and pointed out that this spirit obviously wanted to gain my trust and to be weary of it. He also pointed out that it was using fear tactics to control me, and only the enemy controls with fear. I agreed with him, and remembered what 1 John 4:1-3 says. “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.” – 1 John 4:1-3. Until I heard this voice confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh, I decided to not pay it any attention. It never did, and I never heard it again.

Both Audrey and I had multiple more spiritual attacks, mostly mental attacks, and multiple people telling us that they felt satan was especially angry at us.

***Audrey and I were so blessed to be able to move into our own house that her dad and stepmom built and offered for us to use. When it was built, everyone who helped wrote prayers and verses on the interior of the house before they painted it, and it has been prayed over, being dedicated to the Lord. All these things are evident in the peace of the house, which people who have visited have felt so strongly that they all have mentioned to us how peaceful it feels. Both Audrey and I have felt the presence of angels sitting next to us at the table in our house. So refreshing to feel an angel’s presence compared to a demon’s!

I have gone through more encounters with both angels and demons since all of what I just described happened. I will be writing more blog posts about them.

***Thank you so much for taking the time to read this testimony of witnessing the Holy Spirit! I want everyone to know how active and real the spirit world is, and how to use the Bible as a tool in spiritual warfare. I will be writing many more posts about how to train and prepare for spiritual warfare. I desperately need to share this with everyone possible, and hope you would share this link to whoever you feel led to share it with! This has been one of the harder posts to write, and I have had to take many months to heal and recover from the trauma that comes with witnessing and hearing a demon. Jesus has every victory, and I have peace knowing that.

Pure of Heart

When you are born, you’re the purest you’ll ever be- the least exposed to the sinful world you will ever be. The longer you are exposed to the world, the less of a pure heart you will have, which is why children are so pure hearted. My little sister, Chesney, has demonstrated not only her pure heart, but how a simple education of the Holy Spirit from a young age produces early spiritual encounters and maturity.

Chesney had her first encounter with the Holy Spirit a month ago, and she experienced spiritual warfare knowledgeably for the first time.

Luckily, quarantine has given me so much time with that precious girl in which I have done bible studies with her and answered slews of her curious questions. I have made sure to teach her about her spirit, how God calls her heart home, how to listen for the Holy Spirit and interact with it. This simple spiritual education produced so much more than I could have ever hoped for.

Chesney and I were watching Prince of Egypt (a WONDERFUL cartoon about the story of Moses. Also see King of Dreams about the story of Joseph), and Chesney marveled at God’s power and talked to me about how much He left her in awe after the movie. She then thanked me for teaching her and told me that she felt “changed inside” and “didn’t know how to describe it,” because of Jesus. This hit me in the heart as she poured out her gratitude and love for Jesus. God asked me to invite her to have a sleepover in my room that night, which I usually don’t do because she’s a bit of a bed hogger, to which she was ecstatic and of course said yes. She said she would go get her pillow and blanket and then meet me in my room.

Little did I know she would come running to me shaking.

She said, “CC, I need to tell you something. I was in my room and God told me really loud that ‘It’s not safe here. Get your things and get out.’ He wasn’t saying it like in a mean way, but He was very strong about it. I feel all shaky and I don’t know what to do.”

As shaken up as she rightfully was, I was so proud of her and in awe. She has been running after Jesus and learning how to discern from the Holy Spirit, and God spoke to her pure heart in a clear way when she was in danger, saving her. I hugged her and told her it was okay to be shaken up, because God’s power is crazy strong and powerful and scary at first! I told her that the first time God spoke to me like that was my freshman year of high school, and here she was already having heard from Him in such a powerful way. I told her we would pray over the room tomorrow to cast out and rebuke any evil spirits, demons or anything to do with the devil, and pray that God’s presence would be so powerful in her room that any evil would flee in fear of His power and knowledge of its defeat.

Then, she told me, “I feel like I should also tell you that there are a couple things in my room that make me feel weird. And sometimes it feels like something that I can’t see is bouncing around my room and I haven’t known how to describe it.”

I asked her what the items were: a pair of shoes, some mermaid decorations and a magic kit toy. I told her we would throw all of those items away and intensely pray over the room and that God would take care of us. She was still shaken up, but she thanked me for asking me to have her sleep in my room in the first place. That’s when I realized that God asked me to have her sleepover with me to give her an easy escape from her room once He gave her His warning. I marveled at His plans and power.

The situation opened up an incredible conversation between us about our spiritual growth, spiritual encounters, relationship with God and more. She brought up that after doing bible studies with me that she felt like she had a “shining armor of God.” I immediately asked if she meant the verse about the whole armor of God, and she didn’t know what I meant. Again, I marveled at God’s glory. Her heart was so pure and close to Him that He gave her knowledge of His Truth, the word, without her even reading it first. I then pulled out Ephesians 6:1-20 and taught her about what the Bible says about the armor of God and what each individual piece means and how we can use it. It was an incredible teaching moment!

She then decided to open up to me about a dream she had a while ago that had shaken her up. (If you want context about how crazy this next part is about to be, read the section in my post “The Holy Spirit is Active” where I describe God telling me to get rid of an evil new orleans mask. If you’ve already read it, great! Now buckle up.) She told me in the dream that a person with a mask which had big black feathers coming out of it came up to our front door. She then said that it started knocking at our door in a steady monotone rhythm and never stopped. She said the person and face stayed completely still besides the knocking hand moving over and over. She said in the dream we never let the person in, but day and night it knocked constantly in a steady slow rhythm. As a refresher of my other blog post, I had an encounter with God in which He told me “Turn around, it’s behind you.” I then turned around and my eyes immediately went to the mask I had gotten in New Orleans years earlier, a place of demonic and voodoo happenings. As soon as I did this, God commanded, “That’s it. Get rid of it. Now.” I had never told Chesney this, so the fact that God warned her of the evil spirit attached to my mask through her dream was truly incredible. I explained to her my experience, and then reassured her that I pray over the house every night, casting out all evil, inviting the Holy Spirit to fill every inch of our home so strongly that any evil would flee for miles at its power and at their fear of their already known defeat by God. I told her that this is why the person/evil spirit never got in our house and never will as long as it is filled with the Holy Spirit. I taught her how I pray to cast out and rebuke evil, and invited her to do this every night on her own as well.

I tell you all of this to tell you a few things.

Firstly, so many people ask what happens to people who are never taught about God. How can they come to know Him? How are they expected to have a relationship with Him? Are they cast to hell without warning? I will first point you to His word to give you the truth of this situation. In Romans, it is stated that God reveals Himself to all in His own ways, therefore making them still under the wrath of God and His judgement. I feel the American Standard Version translates this verse best. Romans 1:20: “For the invisible things of him since the creation of the world are clearly seen, being perceived through the things that are made, even his everlasting power and divinity; that they may be without excuse:” There is also a story about a girl named Akiane Kramarik, who grew up in an atheist household where religion was never mentioned, yet God gave her intense visions and dreams about heaven and what Jesus looked like. He also gave her the ability to paint incredibly well even just at 8 years, when she painted an incredible painting of what God showed her Jesus looked like. You can search it and find it online. Her and her parents are now believers. This is an extraordinary example of how God reveals Himself to those who have never learned about Jesus or the Gospel. Chesney was never taught about the whole armor of God, yet He revealed His truth to her pure heart. That is my answer to those previous questions.

Next, I hope you see how pure of heart children are, and how powerful it is. I like to think of it as that they are more heaven than world, and it is evident in their actions and words. When educated from a young age with this pure heart, incredible things happen. This leads me to my most important point. Spiritual education, let me clarify- NOT religious education- but SPIRITUAL education, is so desperately needed in the church. And Chesney has taught even me, who actively pushes for more of the Spirit, just how powerful spiritual education can be especially when done from a young and pure age.

I encourage you to be actively aware and seeking of the Holy Spirit. Talk to your family about it, tell the children in your life about it. Tell them God can and will talk to them if they still themselves and listen. Now is the time more than ever to connect yourself to the Holy Spirit. We will never know exactly when Jesus is coming back, but we know it is soon and we must be prepared.


Following God’s Calls

I will post this at a later date after editing I’m sure. With that said, I am writing this at 7:09am on Saturday, June 6, 2020.

This morning, God woke me up at 6am. Usually when I wake up so early (I could sleep in past 11 sometimes), I am quick to roll over and find more sleep. This morning though, God gave me the energy to rise, and He asked me to. Then, I thought about how nice it would be outside and God jumped on that opportunity to ask me to read my bible out there.

In the next few still minutes, He gave me some directions.

First, He told me to go read my bible outside.

He told me specifically to read Matthew 12 through the discerning of my spirit.

He asked me to put my phone face down on my desk.

I put on shorts, but He asked me to change into pants.

He told me to grab a bible highlighter when I grabbed my bible.

After I picked both of those up, He asked me to now bring my phone.

When I stepped outside, there was a chair right in front of me that was yards away from all the other chairs that were around our outside table. It was facing out towards the best view of the sky and trees, where I normally face to talk to Him outside. He said that chair was put there for me, and that it was where I was to sit.

He asked me to put my phone down on the ground face down.

Although I didn’t understand all of His directions, I didn’t question Him and I followed Him. I trusted Him and that each step had a purpose, even if I didn’t understand it. The steps all fit together perfectly and each had a purpose. Here’s how.

I opened my bible to Matthew 12 to read it.

I also was aware that there were many bugs buzzing around and active in the morning. I’m allergic to mosquitos and some other bug bites, and God took away that potential distraction by, as silly as it seems, wearing longer pants. He directed me in a way that completely demolished any distraction or reason to be interrupted in my reading.

Towards the middle of Matthew 12, I came across a section of verses that are so relevant to the horrible racism that has been revealed in the United States, and how we need to fight it. God asked me to highlight:

Matthew 12:25

“Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart. And if satan is casting out satan, he is divided and fighting against himself. His own kingdom will not survive.” ”

and Matthew 12:28

“But if I am casting out demons by the Spirit of God, then the Kingdom of God has arrived among you.”

Here’s what I gathered and discerned from the Holy Spirit showing me this verse. Unfortunately, while there have been incredible and beautiful protests, violent riots have also broken out among the United States, whose rioters were provoked by justified anger. Although the anger is justified, the killing, burning and stealing in reaction is not. On the same note, the brutality, killing and hurting of protestors by some police officers are also not justified. We cannot fight the sin of racism with the sin of stealing and murder. We cannot fight sin with sin. In Jesus’ words, if satan is casting out satan, he is divided against himself. This is like casting out the sin that satan provides with more sin satan provides, in which we will be more divided against ourselves, like Jesus says. But, there is hope. Jesus gives us directions on how to fight the demons and evil of racism. We must cast it out not by sin, but by the Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit is what will beat this battle, not tactics of this world. We must use it and fight this evil!

God then asked me to share these verses and their application to the world’s state. So I picked up my phone and put these verses and application in a short sum up on some social media. But, I am writing this to share it further and more in depth.

God asked me to do some things that might’ve not made sense, like putting on pajama pants instead of pajama shorts and putting my phone face down under me. But, I trusted Him and followed, which prevented me from becoming distracted and interrupted, and gave me a source to immediately share His word. Trust Him and follow Him. That means following His direction that we must cast this out by the Spirit of God and nothing else, and trusting that He will work.

The world is a pretty hard pill to swallow right now.

With that said,

We must fight this like Jesus would.

God Prophesies Now

photo by annabel klemm photography

Part of truly believing and engaging in encounters with the Holy Spirit may be receiving prophetic messages or meaningful dreams from God. Recently, God has allowed me to partake in this special experience through an extraordinary story and has put it on my heart to share it with you, particularly on a public place in writing, which luckily I have a blog for. Once what He has told me will happen in my future occurs, this will be a public platform with a date as a testimony to the fact that miracles of the biblical times are not a thing of the past, and will serve to glorify His greatness. Miracles such as water turning to wine, blind seeing and sons becoming rams just before they are sacrificed are still around today. The problem is that many do not realize they don’t fully believe in the Holy Spirit and it’s power that is just as strong and working as it once was.

Today is June 1, 2020, and I am writing what God has prophesied over me here, to serve as a public witness, to glorify Him when it becomes fact.

About a year ago, I had a dream. I saw three faces form, one at a time. Each face started as a fetus, and progressed until the children were about 6 or 7. It was unlike any dream I’ve ever had and the mere detail of it was unreal. First, I saw a girl form. She looked just like I did from what I’ve seen of myself at 6 years old in pictures. She had light hair starting to turn brown like mine once was and blue eyes like mine. The next child was also a girl, but she doesn’t look much like me and doesn’t have big blue eyes. This was strange to me at first, but has made sense after a discovery in January that I will explain soon. The last child I saw form was a boy, and I remember him best, because I woke up right after he finished forming, which was in the middle of the night on a school night. I cannot even begin to describe to you how beautiful he is. He has the most beautiful bright blue eyes that I’ve ever seen, and the longest lashes cover them. His hair is somewhere between brown and blonde, more of a golden color. The most startling thing about him was his skin. It is the most perfect golden skin, like a constant sun kissed tan. He quite literally glows. In the dream, I was hit with this deep feeling that he in particular is unbelievably special, and is going to be a leader to do amazing things in the name of the Lord. These kids I saw are all my kids. When I woke up, God sternly told me that He was to the name the boy, and that I was to have no part in naming him. Also, as soon as I woke up, I grabbed my sketch book and drew the boy as best as I could remember him. This way I had a piece of him to look at even if it started slipping away from my memory.

When I woke up, I immediately knew the dream was from God, and I immediately knew the children I saw were my kids. I get a lot of questions about how you know it’s God speaking to you or how you know something is from Him. And the best way I can answer that is that I have learned this: every time something has been from the Holy Spirit, it has been completely undeniable. The times it hasn’t been, there has been room for doubt and wondering if it was actually from Him or not. Let me tell you, when God tells you something, there is no piece of your body that can question it. This dream was exactly that. As soon as I woke up, I felt this indescribable physical warmth in my core, where a child would form. The love I felt when I woke up for those kids is a love like I have never felt before. It immediately struck me that I am already carrying a part of my children inside me now and love overcame me. I often times rest my hands there, feeling that same warmth I did when I first woke up from the dream. I share a private smile with God in those moments, finding utter joy in the glimpse He has allowed me to see, and in the fact that we were the only two who knew about it. Until now, of course.

I’m going to go back in time for a little bit, because this next piece of information is crucial to what has happened these past couple months. I just would like to state before I start this part that I am so incredibly lucky to have been raised by a man who is so incredibly in touch with the Holy Spirit. Without him, I would not believe so strongly that my soul interacts with the Holy Spirit every day, and this blog would not be here. With that said, this piece of this crazy story is about my dad. This is a story that my dad has told me about since I was 9 years old. One service in church, the pastor called anyone who felt led to come up to the front. My dad told me that the Holy Spirit pushed him so strongly that he physically could not help but to run to the front of the church. When he got there, a vision struck him. Two children were running up to him. He was certain it was me and Jacob, my brother, because the kids looked so much like us. But, as the two kids ran closer to him he realized that although the two kids looked strikingly similar to Jacob and I, they were different kids. As my father looked up, he saw that they were running to him from an orphanage. He has told Jacob and I since we were young that he thinks the kids must be either my kids or Jacob’s kids since they look so much like our features (Jacob and I look very similar, and people used to think we were twins when we were little).

It wasn’t until this January that my dad and I connected that we saw the same kids in my dream and his vision.

While I was visiting him in January, we were talking about God, as we usually end up doing, and my dream somehow came up. It had been a while since I last described it to my dad or showed him the picture of my son that I drew, so he asked me to describe it again. After I finished reexplaining it, my dad looked deep in thought. He was sitting across the bar at the table while I was cooking him dinner from the stove that faced him. He looked up at me and asked me to describe each kid again, but in as much detail as I could remember. As I described my oldest, the first girl in my dream, my dad nodded. He didn’t react when I described the second girl much. He was more interested when I described the boy, and this time, I went into detail about his extraordinarily glowing skin. When I did this, my dad burst up out of his chair and shouted, “Yes! The boy has golden skin! Like he was tan from the sun!” His outburst frightened me and I almost dropped my spoon in the skillet. I was truly confused, and I said “Yes?” Then he explained, “Angelle, those are the same kids from my vision!” As funny as it may seem, my first reaction was “Oh my gosh, I’m going to die,” because I remembered how the kids were running to him from an orphanage in his vision. It still makes me laugh every time I remember it.

As my dad and I were discussing, we came to the theory that I adopt my second girl. My oldest girl and boy were probably running from the orphanage, because I was inside adopting her. It also made sense that she didn’t look like me or my other two kids.

Although I didn’t doubt my dream at all from God, my dad’s realization that my description of the kids fit his vision was an extra confirmation and reassurance. That is something else I’ve learned about knowing for sure whether something is truly from God or not. If more than one person gets the same message, that is truly the Holy Spirit. If you and someone else decide to pray about something and talk to God about it, and then come back with different answers from God, one of you were possibly not listening to Jesus, but maybe your own heart instead. If you both receive the same message, that is truly God.

A short period later, my dad told me that he had received a message from the Holy Spirit. He said It gave him two names, a date, a place and a message. He told me that he wasn’t sure yet, but that the information may be for me. After I told him that God was to name my boy, it made him think that the names he received, along with the other information, may be for me. But because he wasn’t sure if the information was for me or if I was ready for the information, my dad kept it from me. Until a few days ago.

My dad came down for my brothers birthday, and after heading home he decided he wanted to tell me the information he received that night.

Names: Abraham and Grace

Date: September 4th (No Year)

Place: Justice Hall

Message: “Let My commandments stand.”

My dad and I then discussed what this information could mean and why it would be meant for me.

As far as the names go, God did tell me that He was going to name my boy specifically, but that doesn’t mean He won’t name my daughter, too. I believe my biological children will be named Grace and Abraham. Because I will adopt my second daughter when Grace and Abraham are about 6 and 7 years old, she will already have a name. It also doesn’t surprise me that the boy will be named Abraham, because Abraham is known as the patriarch of Christianity, Islam and Judaism. Quite ironically, he was also a prophet. And his birth has already been prophesied by the Spirit! The specialness I felt so strongly makes sense that this boy would have the name of such a leader. I immediately thought of Abraham’s great faith that my dad has taught me about since I was little. This is the name of a man who obeyed God so strongly and had so much faith that when God asked him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, by killing him, he went to do so. God of course asked Abraham to replace Isaac with a ram instead right before he was about to kill him, having seen Abraham’s great faith. This is a sacrifice and love like no other for God, mirroring God’s sacrifice of His only Son to die for our sins. After Abraham kills the ram, God promises him plentiful offspring and blessings upon all his people and land which they settle. I already know this name is fitting for the glowing boy I saw in my dream. I have no doubt that God is putting him here to be a great leader in His name for a world that is closer to Jesus coming back than you realize. Abraham is going to do something more incredible than I can imagine. For Grace, I am not at all surprised and am actually in love with the name. God called me to a church called Grace last year, and I have grown so much closer to him and my friends of faith because of that church. I would love to name my precious girl I saw after it.

My dad thinks that the place, Justice Hall, may be simply referring to me getting married, as you have to file marriage papers with a court justice in a court hall. That’s all we’ve come up with so far for the place.

My dad mentioned two theories for the date. Either that I will be married September 4th (Justice Hall) or that I will have one of my kids on September 4th. My thoughts are that it being my marriage day would be too intentional, and that I would have to intentionally choose that day instead of it being a stroke of God’s hand. As far as having one of my kids that day, it may be the date of birth of my son, because of how special he is. Another theory I have is that I adopt my second daughter that day, or that September 4th is the date that she is born to her biological mother.

My dad knew what the message meant and explained it to me, and I fully believe his interpretation, because it convicted me strongly, and it was something I especially needed to hear the night my dad decided to tell me. It’s rather personal and doesn’t affect the rest of the story much, so I’m going to leave it between my dad and I.

That’s all I have that’s happened so far, but I realized I needed to share it on a large public platform that would hold a date for everyone to see at any time in the future. This way, God’s glory will be fully shown through the events of my life that God has already revealed now when they actually occur in the future. I will have this piece of writing as well as you reading this to be a witness of this truly miraculous experience when it happens later. When it these events come true, I will post them here. It will be a few years at the very least before I get married and have kids, so I just ask that you be patient for updates, exciting as it is. It’s so crazy to me, as I’m already taking my family into consideration with every decision I make, which was not something I expected to happen immediately. When choosing my career path, what I save, what I purchase, what I pour my energy into; I always think of the three faces I saw in my dream and what would be best for them before I do it. It’s truly indescribable. If you have any different interpretations of the names and date and place, please contact me!! I’m leaving my email at the bottom if you don’t have any other way to message me. My dad and I have only thought of a few ideas and I would love to hear if anyone received the message differently. Also, contact me if you have any questions or want to discuss anything! Thank you for reading and being a witness for God’s glory.

I can’t wait!!!!



How to Stop Getting Bored Out of Your Mind at Church

photo by @emmaleeorrphotography

Before you read this post, I recommend taking this learning style test to figure out what kind of learner you are. I will be connecting most of this post to which one you are! There’s auditory: hearing and talking to learn, kinesthetic: moving and physically touching materials to learn, and visual: drawing/writing and using diagrams to learn. Here’s the link:

A lot of times church is viewed as a bore: a snoozefest, a time to get lost in thoughts, a lecture… not enjoyable. We expect so much from a church service: engagement, entertainment and great lessons. The truth is those things just don’t mix. How can you expect church to be an entertainment, like a video game or TV show? But at the same time, teach you great and meaningful lessons… and all the while, you’re just supposed to show up, kick your feet up and not put forth any effort to be engaged, expecting the church to engage you on its own. 

Church is a lot more interesting than you think. Let me show you how to stop getting swallowed up by the boredom you associate with it.

The key?

Your effort to be engaged. The experience of church is a two way street. Your pastor can have the most touching message and do the best possible to engage you, but will never engage you in the message if you don’t put in some effort to be in a position to be engaged. I’ll show you how to be engaged and receive the message, and actually enjoy church.

I’ve mistreated church for way too long, and I want to prevent anyone else from having the same experience.

Here’s my 3 tips. I’m a little bit of everything when it comes to learning, so I do a little mix of everything below to make the most of my experience at church. Depending on what your percentage of your learning types are, you can mix and match these tips to tailor your experience of church to you! Despite your learning type, I would recommend all of these tips to  you, though.



First things first: ask God to clear your mind and allow you to focus on the message before the service starts. You can never go wrong here! This can be on the car ride there, during worship or just as the service begins. You can even open a conversation with God for the entirety of the service, creating an interactive conversation with Him that keeps you engaged during the entire message. Even if it’s just you commenting to God what you’re thinking of the message as it goes, or asking Him questions as they come to your head while you listen to the sermon. This is also an opportunity to listen to Him in your conversation, too. Open your heart and your mind to Him. Only extraordinary things come from that.

If you’re an auditory learner, this method is most suited to you. Although church is viewed as a silent activity on the audience’s part, it doesn’t have to be. You can still talk to God during the service, as nothing can take away or silence your ability to do that. If that’s how you learn, then that’s how you should approach church! Do what’s best for you, and most importantly your relationship with God and the church.



If you are able, pick up a bible and make it a habit to bring it to church! I’m just as guilty as anyone else about starting habits, but all it takes is setting an alarm for every Sunday, or whatever day you attend, at a time that you know is a few minutes before you leave, reminding you to grab that bible. Bringing your bible allows you to physically engage yourself, flipping through the pages and reading the verses from your own copy. You can make yourself notes or highlight verses, too. I personally would recommend getting a journaling bible, because they have extra space in the margins for notes. The opportunities are endless! You can paint in them, draw in them, make notes or anything crafty you can think of. This tip now starts to bleed into the next one, as we get into the visual learning tips with art and notes.

If you’re a kinesthetic learner, being able to hold and turn the physical pages on your own bible is most suited to you. Holding a bible and being able to flatten your fingers against the pages as you read up close will get you more engaged and interested. You can take it up a level by taking notes on your own bible too. This will allow you to remember the sermon and be able to look over the notes later when you might need them.



This is an excuse for some of us to buy a cute new journal or notebook, but it really allows for you to fully engage and delve into a sermon. I’ve found this is most beneficial to me, and I’ve almost started to treat church like a class, which is essentially what it is, but is not fully realized as that. Now, I take bullet notes over every sermon, dating the top and including which book of the bible and the title of the series my church is in at the time. I write down insightful points, verses to note and meaningful connections or quotes from my pastor. After I’m done, I tear off the pages and stick them in my journaling bible on the same page I’ve also been highlighting verses and making drawings in. This way, I can look back and utilize my notes and verses when I’m in a tough place, needing them most. I can review them throughout my week, reminding me how to become a better person and grow in Christ. This has caused me to realize just how many great sermons and tips I’ve lost over the years from my pastors, because I never engaged myself enough to listen attentively or take notes. I’m not going to let that happen anymore, and I hope after reading this you don’t either. You could also bring straight up watercolor paper and watercolors, and paint something that keeps you engaged and interested in the message, just be careful that it doesn’t do the opposite and take away your focus.

If you’re a visual learner, taking notes and making art as you receive a sermon is most suited to you. You’ll be doing something you enjoy and for the better of your relationship with God. Unlocking your creative or visual side at church can seriously elevate your experience of church, and allows you to use your gifts for Jesus. Like bringing a bible, this allows you to utilize your notes in the future and especially when you need those words or verses in a low place in your life.

Overall, I would encourage you to try all of these things, maybe one at a time before you try them together. Even if you’re 0% one of the types of learners, try every tactic! These things have completely transformed not only my experience of church, but my perception of it. I no longer associate church with boredom or a dragging feeling after trying numerous different approaches to change my relationship with church. Now, I get excited to bring my notepad printed with flowers and my bright blue journaling bible that’s now full of art and doodles, ready to take notes and make art over the next sermon. I hope it does all this and more for you.

Lastly, with Christmas only a few days away, I wanted to remind you to take care of yourself. There’s a lot of focus on giving to others, which is just lovely, until you haven’t taken care of yourself, hindering your ability to care for anyone else. Treat yourself to your favorite show, a bubble bath or your favorite candy. Take a deep breath. The chaos is settling, and you have so so much time. You don’t need to worry anymore. Guess what? Jesus is still on his throne. No matter what chaos is occurring in the country or in Washington or in your family or with your friends, God is in control and no one can remove him from that. Jesus is still on His rightful throne. Rejoice in that, and His coming to earth.

I hope you have the most blessed Christmas.

All my love,


Choice: What is Love?

photo by @emmaleeorrphotography


What is Love?

I know, I know. Now you’re singing in your head Baby, don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me! No more! Sorry about that! But, in all seriousness, this is a question that every person has pondered over at some point in their life. The past couple months I have learned more about love than I ever have my entire life. I have learned that love is not an emotion like society or movies make it out to be. In movies, love is an automatic thing that is either there or is not there. Either the boy feels he loves the girl, or he just doesn’t. That’s it- either you feel you love someone or you just don’t. But, that’s just not how it is, and if we went around with that mentality (which I and so many of us have done for so long) we wouldn’t truly love others or God. Love would be unsure, unstable, fleeting. That is not what love is. God created love, the most fortified and sure foundation, not to be simple or fleeting. It is difficult and complicated. It is not an emotion that comes and goes or exists or doesn’t exist. It is a choice.

I think a popular environment where this mentality of love exists is in the home. What a perfect place for the devil to misconceive the idea of love! In the root, the heart, the core, the home. So often I hear “It’s your [family relationship], you have to love them! You just do!” or “It’s family, of course I love my [family relationship]” Like it’s an automatic thing that already exists with no effort on any party’s side. Unfortunately, this is not the case and misleads many. It tears apart families, it fosters divorce and drowns love in evil grasps. When I have had issues in my relationships with others (God /family /friends/ romantically), it has become crystal clear that love is very much a choice. You choose to love people, you don’t just magically feel it if they fit your criteria to be loved. You see their flaws and things you don’t automatically love, and still choose to love them. We want to love like Jesus, then we choose to love- mercifully, relentlessly and passionately. God has no criteria for you to be loved. He chooses to love you despite all your flaws and sin. If we want to love like Him, we also must choose to love others- no criteria or standards. 

To misconstrue what love is through media and society is the perfect way for the devil to conquer. If he can deceive us and take away our love, he takes away everything. He takes away the core of our being, he takes away God in the world. How does God live on earth? Through us. Through our love. When the devil finds a way to trick us into thinking that love is either present or not present- that we have nothing to do with when love exists, not our active choice to love others as God does- he takes away God and the Holy Spirit’s existence in our spirits. This deprives us of so much love and God’s living on earth through us. Our spirits are His house- His temple. You are a temple! You house God and the Holy Spirit with love inside your core! The devil misconstruing the love we hold God with inside us is the best way he could destroy. It completely cuts off our relationships with Him and others. It is of utmost importance that we recognize his deceit and reject it. 

Just as Jesus loves us, through choice, we must love. By choosing to love. When you date, you don’t just walk around not loving until you meet someone that makes you suddenly and effortlessly feel love, so you can decide to date them. Sure, that can happen. You can effortlessly feel love for a person and date them. But how strong is that relationship going to be? Not at all. Why? Because your love is so effortless for that person, that when you start getting into rough places with them or seeing their flaws, the effortlessness will cease. It won’t feel so easy and right. You won’t choose to love them despite their wrongs and difficult situations. The love won’t last. Because you never chose to love them in the first place. It just happened to be there. Easily. Love is not easy! It doesn’t just happen to be in places or people! You choose it.

You choose love.

Love does not choose you.

Many people I know have this mentality and it is only going to keep messing them up and hurting them. They will never be satisfied. With their family, friends or romantic pursuits. Most crucially, with their relationship with God. You must also choose to love God. In Revelation 3:20, two things are made clear. 1- God chooses to love you and pursue you. He knocks at your door. 2- You must also choose to love and pursue God in return. You must choose to listen and let him in. This shows how much of a choice love is. On all sides.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am guilty of having this “love is a feeling” mentality in my relationships, mainly in my family. Through our issues, if I didn’t just easily “feel” the love, then the love didn’t exist. If I didn’t choose to love my mom or dad, and I didn’t feel it, then I didn’t love them. That is not true. I choose to love them despite our issues, but I didn’t know that before. That is how the devil is attacking us. He’s saying that love is based on your feelings. You know what feelings are? Unstable, changing and moldable depending on the circumstances. You know what God’s love is? Stable, constant and stone foundation despite any circumstances. Love is not a feeling, it is your choice, regardless of your feelings. It is sure, constant and reliable. The devil leading us to believe otherwise will kill us.

Choose love.

lots of love


Please share this on your story or text it to others if it impacted you, or feel it may impact someone else.

Rejoicing in Change and Pain

Rejoicing in Change and Pain

Recently, I’ve had a lot of change going on in my life, and it is a season of change for many others, too, as summer begins. Despite the discomfort or fear that difference may inflict on us, I wanted to remind you in this season of change that we must rejoice in pain and difference. God puts change in our lives for growth and for better. I’ve been reminded of this once again lately, as I’ve been going through changes, and seeing how they are for better and how they are blessing me. A lot of times when you go through a change, God is saying to you:

There is better for you, and I’m going to change your life to bring that better for you.

But, change often times means pain. It is so important to trust that pain, to trust that He is blessing you more than you could ever imagine with that pain. Rejoice in that pain. Rejoice in confidence that the pain and change in your life is God growing you into a person that is ready for something greater. Through your tears, praise Him. Thank Him for the pain, even while you are at your lowest point. Thank Him for giving you pain, for giving you growing pains, because you are grateful and confident that it has a purpose. It can really be difficult and sound insane to thank God for pain. But doing this is complete and whole confidence in God and His plan for you, and you will be rewarded for your faith and trust. As I have rejoiced in my pain and change, God has blessed me beyond belief. I feel the best I have been in my entire life, the closest to Him I have ever felt in my entire life, the most completely happy and full. I thought I would be in much more pain and that it would last longer, but my confidence and rejoicing has blessed me more than I deserve. I feel complete peace- a friend told me while I was going through my painful change:

“When you feel peace, that is God. Just know that.”

Later, Emmi knew I was in pain. She did the most simple and graceful act. She let God speak through her and reached out to help me in the most beautiful way. She didn’t interrogate me on what happened, she didn’t even say a word. Silently, she slipped me a strip of water colored paper that had a single word written on it:


Over the next couple days after that, peace rushed over me. Actually, I take that back. It hit me smack in the face. Like a truck. There was so much peace and my previous period of being drained and not myself was replaced with light, happiness, fullness and peace. I remembered the advice I received, and I knew this is God. I didn’t even know how drained I was by my situation until God changed it, even though it caused initial pain. 

The first three days after the change occurred, I was in so much hurt and I couldn’t stand myself. I couldn’t eat, and I threw up everything I forced down for three days straight. I was beyond upset and hurt. But during the three days of pain, I worshipped God. I sang to Him praises, I prayed how grateful I was and I thanked Him for my pain. I rejoiced. I worship and pray everyday, but the point is that I continued even during my pain. It is so easy to blame God, for your soul to scream “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” Instead, worship Him. Instead, rejoice in the new page He has turned for you. Instead, thank Him for it. Instead, be confident in what God is doing in your life, no matter the pain or seeming absurdity. Instead, don’t try to understand, because we are only man, and we cannot understand God’s ways or perfect plan.

““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8‬ NKJV

(God is basically saying here that His thoughts and ways are nothing like our thoughts and ways. We cannot begin to understand or comprehend or compare them, for they are so above us.)

You do not need to understand to trust Him. In fact, true trust and faith does not need to understand to be true. It is more true without understanding. At first, I did not understand, and I still praised and rejoiced. But following the three days, I found peace and happiness, and all of the following blessings occurred:

I repaired a broken relationship with a family member. We had an honest talk, and we both apologized and forgave. The situation is still getting better, but it is actually getting there, now, instead of remaining stagnant.

I have met countless new people and gotten closer to others. They are the kind of relationships and friendships that are beautiful and mean something and bring me closer to God. I can’t wait to get even closer to them and continue to go on more adventures with them. I’m so thankful for my new community.

I have been called to a new church. I was overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit when God told me, and I cried happy tears.

Before my change, I somehow felt ditzy for a while, like my intelligence had escaped me. I wasn’t doing well in math, even though I usually do. After the change, I made a perfect score on my next math test. It sounds crazy, but I felt my intelligence return. I understand things clearly again, and I’m not constantly confused or asking questions.

My energy and light has returned. I don’t feel constantly exhausted and drained. I feel refreshed and renewed. I feel cleansed.

My self image has improved. I see my worth and value clearer. I have acknowledged my flaws and things I need to work on, and I am doing so. In the process, I’m becoming better and more confident in myself and who God made me to be.

I feel joy and happiness again. Enough said.

Summer is a beautiful time for change. There are so many opportunities, less stress from school, new people to meet, new relationships to form, new jobs, new experiences, new adventures. That is what God has blessed me with, and that is what He has in store for you, too. Rejoice and worship God in the midst of your pain.

Show Him how confident and thankful you are for the blessings you are sure He is bringing to your life.

Show Him you’re ready.

Thank Him for the pain.

“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

‭‭II Thessalonians‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


The Holy Spirit is Active


Before I begin: You may notice that I use the word active very frequently throughout my message, bolded and italicized. This is the specific word that God gave me for this message as I prayed about it, and that is why it is so emphasized and important, just in case you were curious:)

I feel that the spirituality of Christianity has been unfortunately, shied away from. Dr. Martin Luther King Junior expressed his concern with this in his Letter from a Birmingham Jail. He states that “The judgement of God is upon the church as never before. If today’s church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century” within this beautifully written letter, directed at a group of clergymen who criticized King and his movements. (I highly encourage you to read it. It is truly inspiring and eye opening. You can find it here: ). I have seen King’s predictions begin to bubble to the surface of our world. I see it in churches I visit, and I have been to very many, I see it in youth groups, and I see it most of all within the beautiful conversations between those around me, including me or not, about our Father. Unfortunately, this neglecting of spirituality within ourselves and the Holy Spirit itself, has led me continuously to study scripture and worship Father by myself rather than with others. Not that it is right or justifiable at all just because of these circumstances, but that is what I have chosen to do and feel it is important for me to include in this message so that you know the source’s perspective.

People give me a strange look without realizing it when I bring up raw spiritual experiences and feelings before they quickly wipe their surprise, confusion or even skepticism from their expression and return to their polite and listening brows. I find that they turn silent often- struck with the unfamiliar and raw phrases that escape my mouth, these words unknowing they would be received as strange instead of glorifying. These words in particular seem to evoke strange emotions and faces when I describe them to others in light conversation about our walks with God:
-spiritual warfare
-evil spirits
-spiritual tension
-spiritual fights/conflicts
-God moved my spirit
-the Holy Spirit did [blank]

I noticed that these phrases seem to all have something in common: they include or imply action.

Why is it so unfamiliar and striking that the Holy Spirit is active?

From my experiences attending several churches, (so many partly because I have been disappointed at the severe lack of spirituality acknowledged and fostered in them that I have explored to try to find it at several different churches of all denominations, being nondenominational myself. It saddens my heart that it is, in fact, rare.), and from these experiences exploring, I believe I know the answer to this question: the Holy Spirit’s association with verbs and the tremendously active spirits we house within us are shied away from in the church. Not all churches of course, but unfortunately many. I thought for weeks about the source of this disregarding for our spirituality after God called me to write about it. And I have come to the conclusion after discussing with God and praying over it that because people are stricken with confusion and skepticism when I bring up these things: it is unfamiliar. And if it is unfamiliar, it must not be mentioned or acknowledged enough in the church, or else, Christians in general would be familiar with it if it were a consistent mentioning in the church or in whatever devotionals and electronic sermons un-attending-church Christians use to study scripture and praise God.

Then I thought for another week and a half about the source of the source.

Where is this ashamed feeling that surrounds the activity of our spirits coming from?

I have concluded this to be the fear of being misunderstood as someone who either, A) is making false claims about the Holy Spirit and has been delusional in feeling anything as powerful and active as the Holy Spirit within them is, B) similar to A, but of being judged by those around them that they are a “fake” or a “lesser” Christian (the massive issue of the judgment and condescending attitudes that exist in some churches and communities or the attitude that any Christian is above another Christian in any way is too expansive and for another time), C) that their professing about the Holy Spirit they have felt or experienced is for attention rather than for glorifying God (which I acknowledge is a possibility sometimes, but that does not mean everyone does this), and D) that they will be perceived as crazy, and spiritual in an unChristian way- meaning believing in tarot cards, palm reading, psychics and so forth with what they feel in their spirit- I’ve personally found through experience that when I freely talk about my spirit like it’s a regular and normal thing I am sometimes perceived this way. I often feel things in my spirit simply from walking past a person. I know that God gives me these feelings in my spirit, and they have helped me in danger and in daily life. People think I’m crazy and delusional.

For example, I’ll tell you a story. One of the strongest movements I have felt from the Holy Spirit was late at night while I was on the phone with someone close to me, because I felt uneasy and wanted to say goodnight. I told this person that I felt clear and present tension in my spirit, and that I was scared about how strongly I felt it in my spirit. They asked me exactly what I meant and what I thought could happen. I told them that it felt like a bow and arrow was stretched all the way back and somehow got stuck, and one single little move could make it release all of the tension and explode into a bad situation. I told them that the extremely clear word I could feel in particular was tension. That was the exact word my spirit had given me. There was no wondering or questioning it, it was definite tension. This is what scared me the most; something so present and unquestionable and that I had never felt anything that strongly in my spirit before. Such a powerful negative feeling could not be good. I told the person that I felt crazy, but that I felt the tension very specifically around my house and in my neighborhood. Not just tension, but I felt deep in my spirit that it was in my neighborhood. This person prayed with me, said goodnight and I went to sleep peacefully after asking for God to give me His peace, protection over my house and our property, and His reassurance.

The next morning, I had an alert from my neighborhood’s app we use to communicate and set up events and garage sales. The alert read that our neighborhood was targeted last night by a few individuals who have been breaking into cars around our city, and urged us to check and report anything missing or broken into. I opened the app. It was flooded with reports of car break-ins and stolen property. This was when I connected the tension in my spirit to the events that happened last night. Because I was actively listening to the Holy Spirit within me, God moved my spirit, warned me and allowed me to pray over the situation. I didn’t tell anyone except the person I was on the phone with that night, for I felt I would receive more judgement and skepticism than I would glorify God to anyone that did not know for a fact that I had not made up the Holy Spirit moving within me the night before. I’m sharing it now, because God called me to share this issue I see and my experiences with it, so I am prepared to receive skepticism on it as I have been praying to brace myself. This is where people start to question and become skeptical on me, the Holy Spirit within me, and spirituality at all. They call me crazy. Well you know what, God is crazy! He does crazy amazing things and He puts crazy amazing feelings inside your spirit as long as you believe in the Spirit inside of you and are actively listening to it. I believe my spirit is active and I actively choose to listen to it. When you believe, listen and quiet your own desires and thoughts, you will learn how tremendously active the Holy Spirit is within you. It moves in you and speaks to you everyday, but maybe you have shied away from your important and essential spirituality, too.

A specific experience I had at work is what God originally called me to write this with, and for that reason is most important. God told me to share this story, and I have struggled with becoming vulnerable enough to share it, but I know I must. It is God’s will and I will follow it.

Here’s my most important story of this message.

A couple months ago, I was having one of the worst days imaginable. I had that physical ache you get when you hear words that just crush your heart into pieces. I had many things going on at the same time in my personal life and relationships with my loved ones. On my break I kept it to myself like I always do and refused to cry. If you know me, you probably know that I do not cry often, and when I do, it is never in public and is over a big deal. One of my friends once said to a group of friends while we were hanging out, “If Angelle is crying, you know something is really wrong.” On my break, I worked myself up about my situation, overthought it and grew closer and closer to the edge of tears. Too soon my break was over and I had to put on that bright smile customers remember me for, the smile that makes them check if I am working before they pick a line because they want to see me again. But, that smile just would not go on, even though I tried really hard to smile and pray over all of my customers as I scanned their items, I couldn’t focus on anything other than my hurt and heartbreak. I prayed for God to take away my pain and let me glorify Him in any way I could as I worked. Then my spirit moved inside me: “You need to ask one of your customers to pray for you.” I was absolutely shocked. My initial thoughts were:

There is no way I could ask a customer to do that!

I need to serve them instead of bothering them!

I could lose my job if I asked someone to pray for me and they got offended or someone in line got offended, since it is considered inappropriate at the workplace!

Of course, this was just the devil working against my spirit, trying to discourage me. After all of my doubts passed, I began thinking this over and over to prepare myself, even though I was still unsure if I could bring myself to do it:

I have to ask someone to pray for me.
I have to ask someone to pray for me
Someone needs to pray for me.
Someone needs to pray for me.

Someone needs to pray for me.

I was a bit shaky and nervous for the next period of time as I kept repeating it over and over again in my head.

Then a woman entered my line and began loading her items.

She was not particularly kind in any sense, but not rude or negative either. She seemed like a somewhat neutral and monotone woman to me as we carried on the polite “how are you” ‘s. She was just a normal regular woman to me.

But, God had other ideas about that woman.

I looked up at her as I scanned her items.

God spoke firmly as I did that. One single word.


I began to visibly shake, overcome with nerves, anxiety and worry. She looked strangely at my trembling fingers that bagged her items very slowly to buy myself time to build confidence, but she did not question it and waited patiently. Finally, I gathered every ounce of courage in me and I started with:


My voice trembled as I asked for her attention and I cleared my throat. She looked up at me and responded:


“Can I ask you a question I’m not supposed to ask?”

“Well, sure.”

“Ma’am, are you a believer?”

“Yes ma’am, I am.”

“Okay, well, God just asked me to ask you to pray for me.”

I was overcome with the presence of the Holy Spirit as I said that last sentence to her, and my personal reaction to feeling the Holy Spirit so strongly is crying. At the word ‘asked’, my voice broke and tears raced down my cheeks. I could not speak without croaking.

She closed her eyes, understandingly nodded and said:

“Alright, honey, what is your name?”

I was so overcome that all I could bring myself to do was point at my name tag.

She nodded again and asked gingerly:

“Is it family related or something like that?”

There was so much going on. I barely sputtered out a nervous smile and a:

“Kind of.”

She smiled sadly at me and said:

“You’re too young to be so stressed like this.”

I nervously laughed and rapidly wiped tears from my face. She then looked me in the eye with all the peace in the world and said:

“I’m just on my way to my prayer group right now. I was picking up some food to bring to it. We will all pray for you there.”

“Thank you so much.”

She was on her way to a prayer group at that moment. God asked me to ask not only her to pray for me, but ultimately had me ask her entire prayer group to pray for me as well. I was in awe. God was at work for me, and sent this woman on her way to a prayer group into my line so that He could tell me she was the one to ask. Just wow.

My hands were shaking even worse and I was clumsy with the rest of her bags. She took them gracefully and simply smiled before she left. I was so overcome that I truthfully don’t remember if she said anything else as she left.

I had a man checkout quickly after that, very tender to me, having witnessed the situation that just unfolded before us.

Then I was worried about crying in front of more customers. I chuckled at the thought of having to worry about that. Me! Crying! AT WORK! I never would’ve guessed in a million years.

God took such good care of me. For the next fifteen minutes, I had not a single customer come through my line. I busied myself with spraying and wiping off my work area as I composed myself. I was ready and smiling by the time the next customer came.

Through the night, I felt peace and love sweep over me. On my next break I received a message that was opposite of how I expected it to turn out, in a good way. I knew that prayer group, wherever they were, had prayed for me. What great power there is in prayer, especially prayer with numerous people. I was so grateful, and I prayed my thanks for the rest of the night and following weeks.

I actively choose every single day to rest my own heart and listen for the Holy Spirit that I house inside me. This kind of ties in to our organization’s name, which is really awesome to me because I did not intend for this message to. You are a temple. You house the Holy Spirit inside of you. How amazing is that? It speaks and moves constantly in you, and I know because I give my undivided attention to it. I have felt movements in my spirit simply from a person walking by, whether it be negative, that I need to pray for them, sometimes I even feel I need to pray for someone for a specific reason (once I felt I needed to pray for a man’s mother. I don’t know why, but the Holy Spirit inside me insisted and I followed). For the times it has been negative, I have warned my family and saved myself from certain situations several times, but most of those are too private and personal to share. One little example of this is once when I was laying on my bed, clearing my mind, asking God to tell me what was wrong, because I could feel something wrong inside. After a silent fifteen minutes of my mind being clear, God said:

Turn around, it’s behind you.

This terrified me as I slowly shifted to turn and my eyes immediately were drawn to an embellished feather mask I bought from New Orleans several years ago. I knew I was looking where He wanted me to be looking. Then He said, frighteningly with powerful haste and firmness:

Get rid of it. Now.

You bet I jumped off my bed and ran as quick as I could to throw that mask away.

I wish I would’ve snapped it in half.

I will never be sure, but what I have thought about and guessed is this: New Orleans unfortunately is known for evil spiritual happenings, voodoo being one of the more prominent happenings there. I have guessed that the mask had something to do with an evil spirit in it or on it or something of that sort. Looking back, it terrifies me that I had that mask in my room for years without the knowledge of anything evil being associated with it. When I was younger (I had the mask for a long time), I remember thinking there was something watching me in my closet. I know that’s a common fear for children, but I wonder if it had to do with the mask. (During my many rounds of editing, every single round I found myself questioning whether or not to keep this section because I was afraid people wouldn’t believe me and that it would take away from my credibility and therefore my message. But I realized, that fear I had is exactly what I am talking about and discouraging in my message! So, I am taking the step of keeping it, despite the fear of skeptics, confident that God will still speak through my message with it remaining.)

The point is, God moved in me and moved my spirit, because I actively listened for Him and for the Holy Spirit. He moves in you, too. You just need to believe it and listen. Not only is your spirit active, but you need to be active in listening, as well. It’s a combined effort.

You may feel in awe of what I just told. You may feel surprised or shocked.

That’s my point.

Why is it so unfamiliar and striking that the Holy Spirit or is active?

Why is it so unfamiliar and striking that spirits are active?

Not that one who doesn’t feel surprised can’t feel in awe of that story, which I hope you are in awe of God at it, but you understand what I am trying to say. These stories are not irregular or un-normal.

This is what the Holy Spirit does every single day.

This is what the Holy Spirit does in you every single day.

You just have to believe that and listen.

The Holy Spirit is active.

Before I wrap this up, I realized that I need to also address what to do after you believe, listen and then hear or feel the Holy Spirit. This may take a lot of prayer and conscious listening. Once you do hear or feel it, You must follow it. God asks crazy things of people that take unrelenting courage and submitting to God. He asked Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son, only to place a lamb in the child’s place when Abraham went to obey God. He has asked armies to march around walls in Jericho seven times while playing trumpets. The things He ask may be crazy and scary. But it is God’s will, and once you do God’s will, you will feel Him and the most overflowing sensation that you have ever felt in your life. It is the best feeling in the world.

The spirit within us is that of the Holy Spirit- what great privilege and power we have to extend God’s hand through us to others with this great Spirit within our depths.

I want to invite you to pray this prayer. I am not usually a fan of memorized and recited prayer, because I feel that most prayer should come directly from your heart and not anything else. But, I do admit that I find myself praying these words from my heart often. If you would like, pray it with me:

Father, please help me to listen and recognize my spirit. Help me to actively listen to how You move the Holy Spirit within me, Lord. Please give me Your peace and grace. Let me glorify You with these in my every move. Let my words be Your words. Let my thoughts be Your thoughts. Let my actions be Your actions. Let me be Your mouthpiece from heaven on earth. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thank you so much for reading and allowing me to share the greatness and activity of our God and the Holy Spirit which lives in you. I have been praying, writing and revising on this message and what God wanted me to say for several months and I genuinely hope this impacted you or that you could take something away from it. I am praying for you, as I pray for every reader who reads You Are A Temple. I would love to hear how it impacted you or if you have any questions or comments. Please do contact me at

I also encourage you to visit . It is my favorite church that I have attended, although it is a bit far away for me to attend frequently. It is a church that truly fosters the Holy Spirit. I encourage you to listen and watch the broadcasted sermons they post, or visit their youtube at . I promise you won’t be bored. Pastor Jeremy truly is an extremely engaging and captivating speaker!

Go get em’!

Be active.


You Are Worthy Of Your Love

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“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-30‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I think that this scripture brings up several valid claims in favor of how important it is to love yourself as a child of God. First, a love that is greater than any other is described: the love between Christ and the church. Then, husbands are commanded to give this same love and sacrifice to their wives, which are big shoes to fill when you compare them! Now, this scripture says that this same love is just as a husband loves his own body… woah, right? The love that Christ gives the church is the same love that we should have for ourselves and our flesh! How empowering and uplifting is that! I think this really speaks volumes on the whole “love yourself first” thing. How can you give love to someone else, when you don’t love yourself? You must love yourself to know how to love others, and understand love deeply. Just wait, it gets even crazier. This scripture actually says no one EVER hated their own flesh, but nourishes it and takes care of it! The way it is stated sounds like you’d be CRAZY if you didn’t love yourself! Cause you are AMAZING and a child of God Himself! This scripture says it like of course you should love yourself, are you crazy? You are God’s beloved! Of course you need to nourish and CHERISH your body. You hear that? CHERISH your body. Take care of it. Love your body and yourself. Then, the biggest hit to my heart of all, all of this love for yourself is the same as Christ loves the church. Let that sink in for a second. Let the unfathomable amount of love that exists between Christ and the church set in for a second. That is the same love you are meant to give yourself. Doesn’t that just get you right in the heart? All this time, that is the unrelenting love you have owed yourself. The end of the scripture I selected reminds me of this: we are all a part of His body. We are His flesh and bones and breath that He gave us. You are a part of Him. When you don’t love yourself, you’re also not loving our God. You are completely and entirely His. His creation and beauty and wonder and life. When you don’t love yourself, you are neglecting the love that is deserved by God’s creation. When you don’t love yourself, you are not loving a masterpiece that God spent time and attention and effort making. How much that must hurt His heart. He made you beautiful and worthy and deserving of love- from not only Him and others, but yourself, too.

-Angelle ❤