Choice: What is Love?

photo by @emmaleeorrphotography


What is Love?

I know, I know. Now you’re singing in your head Baby, don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me! No more! Sorry about that! But, in all seriousness, this is a question that every person has pondered over at some point in their life. The past couple months I have learned more about love than I ever have my entire life. I have learned that love is not an emotion like society or movies make it out to be. In movies, love is an automatic thing that is either there or is not there. Either the boy feels he loves the girl, or he just doesn’t. That’s it- either you feel you love someone or you just don’t. But, that’s just not how it is, and if we went around with that mentality (which I and so many of us have done for so long) we wouldn’t truly love others or God. Love would be unsure, unstable, fleeting. That is not what love is. God created love, the most fortified and sure foundation, not to be simple or fleeting. It is difficult and complicated. It is not an emotion that comes and goes or exists or doesn’t exist. It is a choice.

I think a popular environment where this mentality of love exists is in the home. What a perfect place for the devil to misconceive the idea of love! In the root, the heart, the core, the home. So often I hear “It’s your [family relationship], you have to love them! You just do!” or “It’s family, of course I love my [family relationship]” Like it’s an automatic thing that already exists with no effort on any party’s side. Unfortunately, this is not the case and misleads many. It tears apart families, it fosters divorce and drowns love in evil grasps. When I have had issues in my relationships with others (God /family /friends/ romantically), it has become crystal clear that love is very much a choice. You choose to love people, you don’t just magically feel it if they fit your criteria to be loved. You see their flaws and things you don’t automatically love, and still choose to love them. We want to love like Jesus, then we choose to love- mercifully, relentlessly and passionately. God has no criteria for you to be loved. He chooses to love you despite all your flaws and sin. If we want to love like Him, we also must choose to love others- no criteria or standards. 

To misconstrue what love is through media and society is the perfect way for the devil to conquer. If he can deceive us and take away our love, he takes away everything. He takes away the core of our being, he takes away God in the world. How does God live on earth? Through us. Through our love. When the devil finds a way to trick us into thinking that love is either present or not present- that we have nothing to do with when love exists, not our active choice to love others as God does- he takes away God and the Holy Spirit’s existence in our spirits. This deprives us of so much love and God’s living on earth through us. Our spirits are His house- His temple. You are a temple! You house God and the Holy Spirit with love inside your core! The devil misconstruing the love we hold God with inside us is the best way he could destroy. It completely cuts off our relationships with Him and others. It is of utmost importance that we recognize his deceit and reject it. 

Just as Jesus loves us, through choice, we must love. By choosing to love. When you date, you don’t just walk around not loving until you meet someone that makes you suddenly and effortlessly feel love, so you can decide to date them. Sure, that can happen. You can effortlessly feel love for a person and date them. But how strong is that relationship going to be? Not at all. Why? Because your love is so effortless for that person, that when you start getting into rough places with them or seeing their flaws, the effortlessness will cease. It won’t feel so easy and right. You won’t choose to love them despite their wrongs and difficult situations. The love won’t last. Because you never chose to love them in the first place. It just happened to be there. Easily. Love is not easy! It doesn’t just happen to be in places or people! You choose it.

You choose love.

Love does not choose you.

Many people I know have this mentality and it is only going to keep messing them up and hurting them. They will never be satisfied. With their family, friends or romantic pursuits. Most crucially, with their relationship with God. You must also choose to love God. In Revelation 3:20, two things are made clear. 1- God chooses to love you and pursue you. He knocks at your door. 2- You must also choose to love and pursue God in return. You must choose to listen and let him in. This shows how much of a choice love is. On all sides.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am guilty of having this “love is a feeling” mentality in my relationships, mainly in my family. Through our issues, if I didn’t just easily “feel” the love, then the love didn’t exist. If I didn’t choose to love my mom or dad, and I didn’t feel it, then I didn’t love them. That is not true. I choose to love them despite our issues, but I didn’t know that before. That is how the devil is attacking us. He’s saying that love is based on your feelings. You know what feelings are? Unstable, changing and moldable depending on the circumstances. You know what God’s love is? Stable, constant and stone foundation despite any circumstances. Love is not a feeling, it is your choice, regardless of your feelings. It is sure, constant and reliable. The devil leading us to believe otherwise will kill us.

Choose love.

lots of love


Please share this on your story or text it to others if it impacted you, or feel it may impact someone else.

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