I realize it has been a while since I have posted! Since I last posted, I have gotten married, went full time with my small business, added a sweet dog to our family and moved into a bigger place! I now have a separate room for my small business (my day job) and a yard for our sweet Golden Retriever girl. It has been such a privilege of marriage to have a partner to do Bible studies with every night, a second prayer warrior to echo my own prayers and a head of our own little family. I’m so grateful for my husband and the opportunity to submit to him and serve him the rest of my life. I’ll never promise to up my consistency in writing posts, because I only want to post when God asks me to. I never want to post just to meet a quota or monthly requirement. So while my content may come in waves, or remain sparse, it will always be genuine and only requested from the Lord. For the mean time, I hope you enjoy the update and my continued testimony of what the Lord says to me in my life.
I wanted to share a moment with God I had a couple months ago that I’ve been feeling a push to share lately. If you don’t know how crazy my July was- let’s just say it was the worst month of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Bloody hospital rooms, calls about family being life flighted, not knowing if they were alive, crying every hour for days straight, an unexpected move, career growing pains, a plague of vivid disturbing nightmares and so much more.
This particular day had been an insane day- draining, exhausting, tearful- and I was sitting in the dark of our living room. I lit a candle and just sat in silence. I realized that in the midst of the chaos of the day I had not spent any time with God yet. I started apologizing to Him, thinking how I should go get my Bible or start singing worship or even just talk to Him out loud, but I was so worn down. I truly had no words, no strength, no quality time to give Him. I remember just breaking down and saying to Him, “I’m so sorry, I don’t have anything to give You right now.”
I felt Him so softly respond, “I want these moments, too.”
I have never felt so seen, understood, loved and cared for than I did in that moment. I felt Him take all of my burdens and give me rest in that moment. We just sat for an hour, without a word to each other. All we had was an intentional awareness that the other was there. Though I had nothing left to give Him, I sat in silence with my mind set on Him. Though I couldn’t talk or read or sing, I just thought of Him and let the rest of my mind go blank staring at the flicker of a flame. I felt Him saying, “even though I enjoy your conversation, your worship and your time in My word, I want this, too. I want everything.”
I felt His quiet presence just sitting with me in the silence. I felt Him delighting in it- even though I was saying nothing. Me having just a small intention of thought placed on Him was enough for Him. I had nothing left to give to anyone, but He didn’t want anything from me. All He wanted was to just sit in the silence with me. What I saw as “nothing to give” or “nothing time” He valued immeasurably. Even though I saw myself in that moment as “nothing” and “invaluable” because I didn’t have anything of value to give to anyone else, He saw it as everything. He saw my company, even if it was silent or not what I considered “quality time”. He didn’t see me for what I could offer Him or give to Him. He just saw me for me- even if it was a very broken me. And He just wanted to be next to me. No matter if I was broken or had something of value to offer Him. I was of value to Him. And my broken silence beside Him meant everything to Him.
He wants you and He craves you. Even when you have absolutely nothing left to give or to say. He even wants to spend that time with you, too. He says “come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest”. He says “set your thoughts on things above”. All I had to do when I was weary and carried heavy burdens was to come to Him and just think of Him. And He gave me rest. And He said He truly desired that moment. I’m not sure who this is for- but if you are weary or carrying heavy burdens, God is calling out to you. And if you feel like you can’t even bring yourself to speak, sing, or read His word- He’s saying He STILL wants those moments. He wants everything. He wants every part of you- even the not so pretty. He’s saying you don’t need to clean yourself up to come to Him, because you’ll never be able to clean yourself on your own. He wants you even if you have nothing to offer to Him. He wants your broken, your weariness, your burdens, your “nothing”. He wants you, whatever the cost may be. And He delights in it.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28 NLT
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”
Colossians 3:2 ESV
And just as a testimony that it does get better with God in the driver’s seat- I wanted to share some bits and pieces of life post-July.
-After the gut wrenching accident of a family member, and after I finally found out they were still alive, I prayed to God to please let me spend more time with this family member. I also prayed without ceasing for their full recovery. Despite a brain bleed, they recovered fully at double the speed that doctors predicted. Besides some scarring, they are as good as new!
-Though our move was unexpected, God gave us a new place right across the street from the family member above. Now, we regularly walk across the street to each others houses and cook dinner for each other weekly. I never knew God would answer my prayers to spend more time with them by making them my neighbor!
-Though the decision to up my prices, hire assistants and get a separate bedroom for my small business was scary, it has already been paying off. As my business partner, God has been sending me a multitude of business and new opportunities!
-With a new fresh start in a new house, my husband and I wanted to really commit to staying consistently in God’s word without even missing a day. In just two days we will hit a consecutive 50 day streak of reading a chapter a day in our Bibles. We make notes and discuss our observations, lessons and findings together everyday before our joint prayer. It has not only grown us both closer, but more importantly, closer to God.
-Our new place is much bigger, and perfect for hosting. We now host a big weekly dinner and Bible study to serve others and spread the gospel!
-My nightmares gave me the opportunity to pray over specific people I may have not prayed for if it weren’t for the nightmares. They have subsided.
All of this to say, that from all of the trials and hardship that we faced in July, an even bigger blessing came from each one. It does get better! A new season is awaiting you that God has prepared. And in the midst of even the toughest of seasons, when you have nothing but joint silence to offer, God wants you, too.
🤍angelle
You Are A Temple 